


Darling, Don't Be Afraid

by Aros_Sage



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Idiots in Love, Injured Character, Light Angst, M/M, Malec centered, Misunderstandings, Unrequited Love, but not really because they both love each other, communication is key, other characters are minor, they're both just scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2020-12-29 00:21:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21145652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aros_Sage/pseuds/Aros_Sage
Summary: The Head of the New York Institute is sort of, not officially, but officially, dating the High Warlock of Brooklyn. You see, no one knows because Alec is afraid of public affection and Magnus is afraid of giving his heart away.The problem? They don't know what is holding the other back. And even worse? They haven't talked about it because they're too scared to.These guys realllllly need to sit down and talk it out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something short that some wonderful people helped prompt me to write! Need to get the muse juices flowing!

8 months. Twenty-nine days. 

As Alec jogged down the steps of the Institute, he checked his phone for the time. In two short hours, it would be his 9 month anniversary of dating Magnus Bane. He had forgotten he’d given himself patrol duty with his parabatai, Jace Herondale, but was thankful that the two of them managed to vanquish the demons in record time. 

Jace, as usual, tried to get him to tell him where he was going, and as usual, Alec fed him a lie. They both knew Alec hadn’t been going to meetings this late, at least, not as often as it seemed he did. There truly were times factions of the Downworld needed to meet at obscure times. Jace was gracious enough not to pry or push. Jace was simply waiting for Alec to decide to tell him.

Alec pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the headache from lack of food and sleep to go away as he crossed the street and headed towards the train. He forced his thoughts to forget about the fatigue and focus on who he was going to see soon. 

Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, was his boyfriend. Well, he was pretty sure that was the case, any way. They spent as much time together as they could, usually traveling all over the world for their dates. Alec enjoyed them, but he couldn’t help the slight sting he felt whenever Magnus suggested a place and it not landing in Brooklyn, or Manhattan, or anywhere in New York. To be fair though, Alec wasn’t sure he’d be able to show any affection in public for fear of someone he knew finding out. For the most part, their relationship was fairly casual, not that Alec had any other experience in the dating realm. He had tried once and it backfired spectacularly.

He was seventeen and a young male Shadowhunter transfer had caught his attention. It had seemed like the guy, Sven, was also interested, if the looks he gave Alec when he thought he didn’t notice, gave away anything. They had decided to spar one night when everyone else was either on late patrols or already asleep. When they were finished, they both decided to go to the showers. Alec had removed his shirt and turned when Sven grabbed him and pressed him against the wall. Alec had, on instinct, gone to fight him off, but then Sven’s lips were on his and he forgot all his senses. The two continued to find dark corners for hushed kisses and touches for a month before it was over. Alec was getting the nerve to want to do more than what they would allow themselves to do when his world came crashing down. 

Sven had gotten caught at a mundane gay bar, drunk out of his mind and kissing anyone he could get his hands on. He was given a lecture in front of the majority of the New York Institute on how homosexuality was not condoned here. Sven then started to argue that the Institute was full of bigots, which Alec did agree with, and that there more more homosexual Shadowhunters than heterosexual. And as Alec’s eyes widen in fear and tried to find a way to escape the room, Sven marched over to him, grabbed his hand, and yanked him towards the front of the crowd. Alec’s vision swam and his ears filled with a ringing sound but he was pretty sure Sven said something along the lines of, “If a Lightwood can be gay, anyone can be gay!” And then Alec had run from the room. His siblings tried to talk to him but he refused the topic. His parents tried to talk to him, but all he could do was agree that Sven was right about the bigotry but that he wasn’t sure why he had been singled out. His fellow Shadowhunters would give him odd looks and he heard the whispers, but he ignored it. Sven transferred the next day. Alec never, ever tried to date again. 

That was, until he had a meeting with the High Warlock of Brooklyn about the Institute’s wards 10 years later. The instant Magnus walked into the room, Alec knew he was doomed. The male was handsome and charming and kind. He wasn’t afraid to flirt with Alec which caused his face to burn and his words to jumble. Magnus had given Alec his phone number that night and, after debating it, called him two days later to discuss more work. Which, once they’d met at a dingy mundane bar, Alec admitted he didn’t have any work to discuss. That he’d only wanted to see Magus again. 

The night ended with a heavy make out session in the alley. 

They never technically gave what they had and what they were doing a label, but Alec wasn’t seeing anyone else and he didn’t suspect Magnus was seeing anyone else either. 

The only thing he knew for sure was that he had fallen in love with the warlock and was terrified by the feeling. He was terrified that, if Magnus knew just how much he felt for him, that he would want to end this. And Alec couldn’t imagine his life without Magnus in it.

Alec shook his head to clear his thoughts as he approached the building. He ran a hand through his hair before patting it down, hoping all of his strays were in place for once before beginning to climb the stairs. He stifled a yawn, hoping his stamina rune he’d applied just before approaching the building would hold out. They were planning on going to India to go to a great breakfast place that Magnus loved since it was too late in New York to go anywhere, unless of course, you wanted pizza. Alec loved pizza and there was a place around the corner from Magnus’ he had eaten at plenty of times, but Magnus never wanted to go. He ignored the thought as he raised his hand to knock on the door. 

Right before his knuckles hit the wood, the door swung open. As usual, Magnus was impeccably dressed in bright swirls of red and gold while Alec work black. 

“Come on in.” Magnus greeted him, stepping out of the way to let the taller man through. 

Once Alec made it into the entryway and the door closed, Magnus wrapped his arms around his neck, greeting him with a kiss. Alec smiled against his lips, his own arms going around his waist. 

“Hi.” Alec greeted him once their lips parted. “I’m sorry it’s so late. I forgot I had a patrol tonight.” 

“Never fear. In a moment, it will be the morning.” Magnus grinned already waving his arm for a portal to open next to them. 

Once it was ready, Alec took Magnus’ hand and they both walked through the purple shimmering portal. 

They exited on a street corner where the town was in the midst of their morning. Alec shielded his eyes from the bright sun, cursing himself for forgetting sunglasses. 

The place Magnus wanted to have breakfast was across the street. Not surprisingly, Magnus knew the owner, a generation of mundane family members who knew the warlock who had helped their ancestor once upon a time. 

The table was set and ready to go with an assortment of foods, most of which Magnus would spend time explaining to Alec what they were and convincing him to try it. Before Alec met Magnus, pizza, salads and a fast food burger were his main foods. He was usually working and busy and running around so he didn’t think much about opening up his palate to all the wonders the world had to offer. Even in New York, where you could get just about anything, Alec kept it simple. 

“How was your day?” Magnus asked as he lounged in the chair across from Alec, enjoying what looked to be different colored berries. 

Alec took a sip of his coffee before answering. “Mostly the usual. Plenty of reports to edit before sending in, breaking up disagreements, booking meetings and then a patrol with Jace.”

Magnus listened attentively. “You must be tired. Why did you go on patrol after working all day?” 

Alec smiled at him. “Because sitting in an office day after day is soul sucking. I need to get out sometimes. I just…didn’t mean to schedule one so late…it’s just not easy to find someone to go with Jace.”

“Why’s that?” Magnus stabbed a piece of bread with his fork and dipping it into a sauce before leaning over, waiting for Alec.

Alec blushed but leaned forward as well, opening his mouth obediently for Magnus to gently place the food inside. 

Once he finished chewing, he answered him. “Jace is my parabatai. We trained together for years. I always know what he’s going to do, even when it’s going to be reckless and probably stupid and probably end with an injury and an iratze. Izzy and Clary usually go out with him but they couldn’t do it tonight. Anyone else risks getting hurt or being unable to watch Jace’s back.” 

“You are his Boss. Can’t you order him to be safer?” Magnus asked, his voice genuinely curious.

Alec couldn’t help but laugh. “If you met Jace, you’d know that following orders isn’t really his thing.” Alec ran a hand through his hair which he could feel was wind swept from the portal, which he hadn’t bothered fixing. “He’s one of the best soldiers in our generation. He won’t be taken down too easily.”

“With a Parabatai like you taking hits for him, I’m not surprised.” Magnus teased. Alec rolled his eyes fondly, though they both knew Magnus was right. Alec had been stabbed quite a few times in battle when Jace was too busy and didn’t see the demon coming up from behind him or above or below. 

After Alec yawned twice in a row, Magnus convinced him they needed to head back to New York. It was breaching 2am there by now and Alec needed to be up by 6am any way. 

0000

As if the acknowledgement of Magnus’ comfy bed being so close to him, Alec felt the fatigue weighing his body down, making him sluggish as he stepped out of the portal. He walked straight towards the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. He just needed to remove his clothes and then lie down.

“Alexander?” Alec heard, the sound muffled slightly which caused his brow to furrow. Was that his name being called?

“Alexander?” This time louder, firmer along with fingers massaging his scalp. “Open your eyes for me.” 

Alec’s brow furrowed even more as he did as he was told, blinking Magnus into existence who was kneeling in front of him.

Magnus’ grinned, leaning forward and kissing Alec quickly on his lips. “You fell asleep sitting up.” 

Alec’s brain woke up a little bit more as he looked around a little bit. He thought he had just sat down but as he could see, Magnus was in his pajamas and it seemed that he’d already removed his hair product and his makeup. That usually took him about 20 minutes.

“M’sorry.” Alec apologized, tilting to remove his boots but feeling his equilibrium fail him and go to fall off the bed. Magnus placed his hand firmly on Alec’s chest, keeping him upright. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s been a long day. You really ought to take a day off, you know.” Magnus leaned down and began to untie his boots for him. 

Alec managed to shrug out of his jacket, placing it on the ottoman at the end of the bed. He fumbled with the top buttons on his shirt but only managed two before Magnus placed his hands on top of Alec’s. 

“Let me.” Magnus ordered and Alec let his arms drop. 

It took a little longer than necessary to get Alec down to his boxers but his body was sluggish and heavy while Magnus yanked and pulled; shockingly without ripping anything. 

Alec crawled up the bed and laid down heavily as Magnus came in next to him. He pulled up the comforter and threw it over them while simultaneously snapping his fingers to turn out the lights. 

As soon as Magnus got comfortable, Alec shifted closer, wrapping his arm around Magnus’ waist, one leg over one of Magnus’ and his face pressed into his chest. 

Magnus smiled, welcoming his personal heater, maneuvering his own body around for optimal comfort. 

“Happy 9 months, Alexander.” Magnus whispered, kissing the top of Alec’s head, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. 

Not getting a response back, Magnus smiled into his hair as he nuzzled him, intent on following him into slumber. 

A couple minutes passed before Alec moved a little, as if adjusting his position, his nose pressing gently against Magnus’ neck.

“Love you…” Alec mumbled.

Magnus’ eyes flew open, though he did everything in his power not to let his body jump for fear of tuning Alec into his conscious state. 

Magnus didn’t move, only forcing slow, calm breaths as he waited for Alec to say something else. When it was apparent he wasn’t going to move or talk to him, Magnus forced his body to relax. 

The day he met the Head of the New York Institute, Alexander Lightwood, he did not expect kissing him senseless a couple days later in a dirty alley. 

Nor did he think they’d meet every couple days, sneaking glances and touches in the darkness of bars and restaurants around the world.

Magnus had noticed right away, how rigid Alec was in public. How there was a space between them; a space that said they were two friends or colleagues having a meeting or discussion over a drink. 

When their meetings turned into dates, Magnus wanted to make Alec feel comfortable around him, so he always picked somewhere he knew no one else would know who they were. Alec was still aware of his surroundings, but his hand would find Magnus’ on top of a table, or their shoulders would bump while whispering to one another. 

Magnus knew Alexander was the only gay Shadowhunteer; at least, the only out Shadowhunter. He was sure there were more and had heard rumors about the Institute Head but he never pried. He had heard gossip and so Magnus figured if he ever wanted to talk about it, he would bring it up on his own. 

Magnus wasn’t unfamiliar with the bigotry that was the Nephilim. It made sense to him that Alexander wouldn’t want to be seen with another male, never mind the company of a Downworlder with a reputation to boot. 

The Shadow World gossiped plenty about Magnus, especially now that he wasn’t out and about having flings with this werewolf or that fairie. They were beginning to wonder who he was spending his time with but Magnus just ignored them, merely stating he was busy with his job. 

Tonight began their 9 months together in secret. Magnus enjoyed spending time with Alexander and he loved whenever the Nephilim would stay the night. He actually began to miss him when he couldn’t make it at all or had to leave after their night; especially after a very physical night. He would often think of him; his finger hovering over the call button on his phone before putting it away. 

After Camille nearly a century ago, Magnus swore to himself that he would never allow himself to truly love another again. He did love and care for his friends, and those Downworlders he tended to take in, but not a love that would hold his heart. Not a love that would make his soul sing with happiness. He knew what it felt like when the carpet was ripped out from underneath him. When his heart was squeezed so tightly it could never fully recover. He couldn’t go through that again. 

The other day Magnus had watched Alec grow frustrated as he dug his fingers through his hair, his nose nearly pressed against the glass. When Magnus asked him what he was doing, he said that he saw a white hair and was intending to pull it out. 

Magnus laughed at how cute he looked; how bothered he was by a white hair as he came closer. He batted at his arms to drop and tilted his head down so he could see. He found the culprit easily and gave it a yank. He held it between his thumb and index finger in front of Alexander to see. It wasn’t until Alexander kissed him goodbye that the dread filled his belly. Alexander was young and it wasn’t uncommon for someone his age to get a couple white hairs, but it reminded Magnus painfully that Alexander was mortal. That there was a clock ticking down on them. Not to mention, he was a Shadowhunter and that meant the likelihood of a shorter life span was higher than a normal mortal. 

This had started as a fling but before they knew it, months had passed. Magnus had tried to ignore the word that connected his feelings towards Alexander he had felt for a while now. He didn’t want it because it meant letting Alexander fully in and he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do.

0000

Three days. It had been three days since Alec had seen Magnus. He had left early the last morning he’d stayed over, kissing Magnus on the cheek while he was still asleep before taking off. He hated waking him early, especially when he had no reason to be up before the sun. 

Alec looked at his phone, reading the text messages between them. They usually texted periodically throughout the day, sometimes flirtatiously, other times about meaningless things. The last three days, however, the messages were strange. Magnus wasn’t using any emojis which Alec himself was still learning to use. He wasn’t saying any innuendos that would cause Alec to blush at inopportune times. Alec would ask to come over, but Magnus would decline and tell him he had to see a special client. Alec believed him the first night, and even the second, but now, he felt doubt sinking in. Something was wrong. 

Sighing, Alec decided to go on a run to clear his head.

By the time Alec got back to the Institute, sweat covering every inch of his body and in need of a shower, he was still worried and wound up. He hoped it would have made him tired, but his brain didn’t work like that.

As he walked in, he noticed his sister and Parabatai approaching him, before realizing that no, they were dressed up and heading towards the door behind him.

“Going out?” Alec asked as he pulled his hoodie off of himself. 

Izzy nodded, a huge grin on her face. “Pandemonium is having a huge party tonight and it’s not one to be missed.” Thankfully, all of Alec’s training to hide his emotions as the name of the club came out of her mouth. 

Jace’s face matched the excitement of their sister’s. “It hasn’t been as fun as it used to be, but the invite promises a party like no other.” 

Alec folded his arms across his chest, hoping to Raziel that he looked unimpressed. “Why’s that? Where’s Clary? I’d imagine she’d be going with you.” 

“She went to get Simon and is meeting us there.” Jace answered him as he adjusted his left cuff of his shirt. 

“Magnus Bane is finally going to make his reappearance!” Izzy rolled her eyes at Alec’s expression. “You know who he is, Alec. The High Warlock of Brooklyn…didn’t you have to meet with him a month ago about the wards? Anyway…he usually throws the best parties whenever he’s there but he’s been MIA for months now. You should come with us. It would be good to get you out of here.” 

“That’s the last place Alec would ever..” Jace began but Alec cut him off, a smile gracing his features. 

“No, you know what. You’re right, Iz. I do need to get out of here for a little bit. Give me 15 minutes to shower and change?” Alec asked. Izzy’s eyes grew with excitement while Jace gave him a suspicious stare.

0000

Thirty minutes later and they were joining Clary and Simon in line for the club. The outside smelled like alcohol and random ingredients Alec would sometimes smell coming out of Magnus’ apothecary. 

His chest hurt at the memory, causing him to subconsciously rub the center of it. Jace glanced at him but Alec pretended not to see it. 

“Alec, you’re here. I didn’t think you went clubbing…or out, really. Like…ever.” Simon said by way of greeting. Alec looked at him curiously, watching as Simon’s smile started to vanish by the intensity of his gaze. 

Alec forced himself to be friendly. He liked Simon after all, despite the trouble the vampire seemed to find himself in constantly. Then again, he was Clary’s best friend and that’s what she did best. 

“Sometimes it’s a good idea to let go and live a little.” Alec answered him.

The instant they entered the club, Alec knew conversations would be slim to none. The music pounded painfully in his ears as he made his way through the throngs of people. The rest of them followed behind him, thankful for Alec’s height and size. Alec’s eyes darted in every direction, terrified and anxious to see a glimpse of Magnus here. He didn’t want to make a scene but he also needed answers. 

Why would Magnus lie to him? Why didn’t he want to see him? 

They made it to the bar, all ordering drinks, with Jace and Simon deciding the group should have a shot each as well. Normally, Alec would say no, but considering his anxiety level, he went for it. 

The girls immediately took off into the crowd, dancing and laughing together as they became lost in the sweaty bodies of dancers. Jace and Simon looked after them longingly. Alec rolled his eyes.

“Just go…I’m fine here.” Alec told them, knowing the apprehension to stay behind was mostly for his benefit. 

Simon grinned, gave Alec two thumbs up and left. 

“Are you sure? Something’s off about you tonight.” Jace said, having to shout into Alec’s ear for him to hear him. 

“I’m fine.” Alec said again, making eye contact with his parabatai. He could tell Jace didn’t believe him; hell, he could feel it, but he couldn’t talk about this. 

Alec huffed, turned and waved the bartender over. He ordered two double shots, handing one to Jace. “See…I’m having fun, aren’t I?” Alec asked before clinking his glass with Jace’s and downing it. His face scrunched up as the burn went down his throat. 

Jace deflated before clapping Alec on the shoulder and then being swallowed up by the dancers. 

Alec remained where he was at the corner of the bar, a spot that gave him the best vantage point of the club. Well, he knew he could upstairs but that was VIP only and he didn’t want to cause a scene. He could already feel the alcohol warming his body and relaxing his brain as he continued to sip on his beer; something he knew he definitely liked after all the times Alec and Magnus had gone out.

It took about an hour before he spotted him the first time. Magnus was talking to someone on the second floor before standing against the railing. He waved his arms around and purple sparks exploded from the ceiling, the droplets falling down on everyone tasting of tequila. Alec was pretty certain it was, in fact, tequila. 

Izzy came back over at one point, needing air and another drink. She leaned against Alec’s shoulder as she stood there, her eyes beginning to glaze and a content smile on her face. 

“I’m so glad you’re here…come dance.” Izzy asked, trying to yank on his arm to get him to move. 

“You know I’m terrible at it.” Alec protested. Besides, he was the Head of the New York Institute, people knew who he was and would see him. He couldn’t just be another person in a crowd.

Izzy pouted but gave up quickly, going back to the group. 

Alec saw Magnus again, this time having somehow slipped downstairs only for Alec to notice him going back up and disappearing behind a curtain.

Feeling braver than he did before they arrived, probably thanks to the alcohol, Alec marched over towards the stairs where a guard was positioned.

“VIPs only.” He told him.

“Tell Magnus Bane that the Head of the New York Institute needs to talk to him and that it is urgent business.” Alec told him, standing tall and looking as professional as he could, despite the alcohol the guard could probably smell on him. 

The man looked at him defiantly for a few seconds before deflating. “Very well.” He turned and left.

He came back within a few minutes, holding his arm out to let Alec pass through. “Second…”

“I know where he is.” Alec interrupted, taking the steps two at a time.

Magnus was standing up from the couch as Alec made his way inside the reserved area. His eyes took in the myriad of individuals sitting clumped together. He could tell they were mostly warlocks but there were a couple vampires there too. A girl with green skin looked very disappointed that Magnus was leaving. 

“Alexander Lightwood. Let’s go to my office.” Magnus said to him in a business like voice.

Alec followed him, feeling his adrenaline peaking. 

Magnus opened the door and led Alec inside before closing it behind him.

“Is everything alright? Perry said it was urgent.” Magnus asked, his face looking genuinely worried.

“No…everything is not alright.” Alec said, his voice coming out harsh as he turned to face Magnus. 

“Has Valentine been spotted?” Magnus asked, his worry taking on a worse form.

Alec groaned, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on them. 

“What the Hell Magnus?!” Alec demanded, taking a step closer to the warlock. “You had a shy client tonight that took hours for you to get their trust to then help them? Is the shy client in your VIP booth in your club? Well done, getting a shy client to come to a place like this!” 

Magnus’ face dropped as the realization dawned on him that this wasn’t a professional conversation they would be having. Guilt threatened to surface but he forced himself to keep a neutral face. He spent decades perfecting it, he could do it now too. 

“I’m sorry.” Magnus admitted honestly. 

Alec stared at him, the silence stretching between them which only made Alec’s frustration grow. 

“You’re sorry? That’s it? That’s really all you have to say?” Alec asked, this time his voice coming out lighter than he had intended, the hurt beginning to seep out. 

“Alexander….” Magnus began in a placating manner. “It’s not the simple.” 

“I think it’s simple enough. You’ve been avoiding me by lying to me. If you didn’t want to see me, that’s all you had to say.” Anger was coming off of Alec in waves, however, his voice was unable to hold its strength as he wanted it to. 

“I…are you drunk?” Magnus asked, watching as Alec teetered a little off to the side. “Let’s go back to the loft so you can sleep it off.” 

Alec laughed this time, the sound coming out abruptly as though he’d surprised himself by the sound. “Back to the loft…back to being your fun little secret. How has it been? Fucking a Nephilim? Was this just a game to you? A long, drawn out game?” 

“No, you’re not a game. Where is this coming from?” Magnus asked, his throat tightening as they talked. They had never fought before. Maybe they would bicker here and there but it was never about anything serious. 

Alec folded his arms over his chest, both in a defensive stance and what looked to be a self comfort move. He shook his head angrily, not looking at Magnus. 

Finally Alec pointed, gesturing from Magnus to himself and back. “Tell me that this…whatever this is between us, means as much to you as it does to me.”

Magnus felt his heart thudding against his rib cage. He had taken the days away from Alexander to sort of out his feelings for the Nephilim. It was easy, his decision was easy, but he was terrified. He felt guilty, lying to him but he couldn’t face him, not after what he’d heard and knowing that this would be a turning point for them. It would make them or break them. Or it would break Magnus in the long run and the fear of abandonment was heavy. 

He opened his mouth to speak, realizing the silence had once again stretched between them. When he met Alexander’s eyes, he saw the younger male’s resolve break.

“Wrong answer.” Alec managed to get out before pushing past Magnus and wrenching open the door. Before Magnus could grab him, Alec was already halfway down the stairs, his stele glinting against the light from the disco ball. 

Magnus watched as Alec must have activated his speed rune because he was gone in a blink of an eye.

Magnus went back into the office, closing the door and sliding down it to sit on the ground. He placed his palm against the side of his head, his elbow resting on his knee. How could he have been so stupid? Of course Alexander would have heard about the party. Of course he would have come here to demand answers. Magnus bit down on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. 

Outside, the New York weather decided it was fitting to rain as Alec made his way back towards the Institute, hot tears shining in his eyes before trickling down his cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like..this was just going to be two longish chapters but...I didn't get much done today and cliffhangers are always fun to end a chapter on! 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Two months went by in a flash. Alec threw himself into his work, doubling his patrols and staying up late to finish all of his paperwork before the next day. He would then spend extra time training, anything to keep his mind busy. He couldn’t let himself think about Magnus. 

He had had to see him last month for their monthly Downworlders meeting which had been incredibly uncomfortable for him. Magnus and Alec did their parts, acting as if nothing had happened but the tension was palpable in the air. At the end of the meeting, Luke had even asked Alec if everything was alright while Raphael had a similar conversation with Magnus. Both of them managed to get the other to believe things were fine, they were just stressed in their respective duties. 

Izzy, who undoubtedly had had a conversation with Jace behind Alec’s back, had tried to talk to him but he refused. A part of him badly wanted to confess to his sister what had happened but he didn’t know how to talk about it. He had never opened up before about his personal life and didn’t have the skillset to begin to navigate that. The only person he had truly opened up to about some parts of himself was Magnus and well, it’s not as though he was around anymore. 

Alec walked down the hall, making a left at the very last door to enter the conference room. 

Luke Garroway and Raphael Santiago were already sitting at the table, talking quietly to one another. Alec looked around the room, eying the drink cart that was vacant of the other body he expected to be in the room. 

Steeling himself, he walked to the table and took a seat, handing out folders that he had copied so they could go over their objectives this month. 

“Is Magnus running late?” Luke asked as he took the folder. 

Alec looked from him to Raphael before shrugging. “I know he enjoys being fashionably late sometimes, but he never is for these. The only other time he was, he told me ahead of time.” 

Luke and Alec looked at Raphael who just glared at them. “I am not his keeper. Perhaps he is with his mystery suitor.” 

Alec felt his face heat at his words. Surely Magnus hadn’t found someone new already. Or had he meant Alec without knowing it. 

“I’ll send him an email with tonight’s notes.” Alec decided as he opened up the folder in his hand. 

After the meeting, Alec couldn’t help but feel agitated. Magnus knew how important these meetings were. Surely he wasn’t coming because of their relationship; that just seemed ludicrous. 

0000

A week later and Alec and Luke were walking side by side as they made their way to the address Magnus had texted them to meet. He had apologized in text for missing their meeting but that he was following a lead. He said that he thought maybe he found one of Valentine’s old hideouts and for the others to meet them. 

Since the sun had not gone down yet, Raphael told them that he’d meet them there; that Magnus offered to send him a portal.

“Does any of this feel strange to you?” Luke asked as they jogged down a couple flights of stairs.

Alec nodded. “Very. If he’s found a hideout, I should be bringing a team with me. I don’t know why he wanted just us to be there.” 

“Maybe he’s found something that he wants us to determine how best to distribute the information among our groups?” Luke suggested though they both know he wasn’t sure about that being fact. 

The address they were given turned out to be what looked like a rundown, small mansion. It was large, but it was clear that it had been empty for a long time. Alec was surprised the mundanes hadn’t knocked it down already. 

Summoning his bow and quiver, Alec grabbed an arrow and notched it. He nodded to Luke to open the door which gave way with no trouble. 

Alec lifted his bow, ready to strike at anything that moved. There were no lights and no sound coming from anywhere that would indicate where Magnus and Raphael would be. 

Luke waved his arm to get Alec’s attention, signaling to him to wait so Luke could go ahead of him to suss out the situation. Alec nodded, turning so he could let Luke go first. 

They finished the first floor without finding anything. 

“This is wrong.” Alec whispered to Luke as they eyes the large winding staircase to the second floor.

“I agree. We should get backup.” Luke whispered back, already taking a step back towards the door. 

“What if Magnus and Raphael are hurt? They might need medical attention.” Alec tried to stay calm, but the thought that Magnus could be hurt, terrified him to his core.

Alec shouldered his bow for a moment so he could grab his phone. He typed a message to Jace and Izzy, telling them to gear up and to bring a team to his location. Pocketing his phone, he looked back at Luke. 

“Backup will be on their way. Want to wait?” Alec asked, steeling himself in case Luke wanted to.

Luke pulled out his own phone, sending a quick message to who Alec assumed would be Maia. 

“They could be hurt. Let’s go.” Luke decided. 

Alec held his bow back up, waiting for Luke to start up the stairs. 

The second floor was also empty which only grew the foreboding they were both feeling.

Alec could feel his phone vibrating against his leg, no doubt Jace trying to get in touch with him to make sure he was alright. Alec couldn’t drop his guard though. 

He couldn’t. Distractions could make this go South. 

Alec was very focused, very prepared.

That is, until they walked into a room that looked like it was once a large library and saw Magnus and Raphael both lying on the floor, not moving. 

Alec tossed his bow haphazardly across his shoulder, ignoring the clatter of his arrow as he ran past Luke, landing hard on his knees beside Magnus. He gently turned the warlock over, frowning as Magnus made no sign of life; except for his breathing. At least he was breathing. 

Alec, hearing a clinking sound, looked down to see a pair of cuffs binding Magnus’ wrists together. 

“Is he alive?” Luke’s voice asked from behind him. Alec forced himself to turn his head so he could see the Alpha in his peripheral. 

“Yeah. Raphael?” Alec asked as he glanced back down at Magnus, now noticing a purplish bruise on his jaw and the beginning of a healing split lip. 

“Breathing, but he’s not well. These cuffs were specially made for a vampire. They look as if they’re turning his skin to ash.” Luke explained as he tried to tug at the metal. 

“These cuffs are used by the Nephilim to subdue a Warlock.” Alec commented as he reached into his jacket to pull out his stele. 

“What do you think happened here?” Luke asked as he waited for Alec to remove the cuffs from Magnus. 

Alec shook his head as he drew the unlocking rune on the cuffs. He watched as the run sunk into the material but frowned when nothing happened. He tried again but got the same reaction. 

“Dammit..these must have been reinforced somehow.” Alec cursed as he turned, albeit reluctantly, to try it on Raphael’s cuffs. “I don’t know…” Alec said as he watched the rune work for Raphael. 

Raphael groaned as the metal that was digging into his wrists came off suddenly.

“Raphael? It’s Luke and Alec. Are you with us?” Luke asked as he jostled the male’s shoulder. 

Raphael slowly blinked open his eyes, looking confused before his eyes landed on Luke and then Alec. He then looked around and suddenly bolted upright, looking wild, his fangs barring. 

“Trap…it’s a trap.” Raphael said as he looked around the room.

Alec and Luke both stood, Alec’s bow reappearing and Luke taking out his gun. 

“Magnus was just like this when I found him. I don’t know who made the portal for me.” Raphael said from the ground, seemingly too weak to get up. “Or how I ended up on the floor.”

“We need to get out of here before whoever comes back.” Luke decided as he knelt down to help Raphael to his feet. “Can you walk?”

Raphael tested his strength as he stood but felt his knees give immediately. Luke grabbed him before he could hit the floor, putting Raphael’s arm across his shoulders to keep him upright. 

“You need to be our defense.” Luke said to Alec while Alec was looking down at Magnus. 

“I’m not leaving him.” Alec told him, already shouldering his bow once again. “Magnus? Come on…” Alec said as he shook the male’s shoulder. 

Getting no response, Alec frowned. “He needs help.”

“And we can get it for him, but not if we get caught too.” Luke hissed, clearly agitated. 

Alec leaned down and manhandled Magnus, managing to lift him and hoist him over his shoulder. With oner arm securely fastened around Magnus’s thighs, he pulled out a blade with his free hand. “Let’s go.”

They made it to the landing, several feet from the front door when they were no longer alone. 

Valentine Morgenstern stood in front of the door, arms crossed over his chest as they stopped moving to sort their options. 

“Your best option would be to stand down and come quietly.” Valentine said firmly, more Circle members coming out from the other rooms, surrounding them from both sides. 

“Not happening.” Luke answered, slowly retrieving his arm from around Raphael’s waist who had taken the hint and had grabbed onto the wall for support. 

“You’re outnumbered. This is my only offer to go easy on you if you come quietly.” Valentine offered, holding his arm out, as if ready to signal. 

Alec only managed to get Magnus off of his shoulder before Valentine reacted.

His arm moved in a wave and before they knew it, most of the Circle members ran away from the area. 

One Circle member came from the top of the stairs with a bow, the arrow already notched. Before any of them could react, the man let go.

The arrow shot true, going between Alec and Luke, hitting a round object in the corner they hadn’t noticed before.

“BOMB!” Alec shouted before grabbing Magnus and holding him to his front, using his chest to protect his face. Alec had managed to turn his back to the bomb as it exploded, feeling the ground underneath him leave him. 

They all fell into a painful heap to the first floor, pieces of wood landing painfully on top of them as they landed at awkward angles on the broken pieces of floor and wood. 

Alec used his body to protect Magnus but was unable to predict the landing. Magnus was underneath him mostly with their legs tangled together. Alec kept a tight hold onto Magnus, not wanting his neck to break in the fall.

He lie there dazed for a moment before coughing, the fire from the bomb creating a cloud of smoke that was filling his lungs. 

“Luke?” Alec coughed out, groaning at the pain radiating all over his body. 

“Over here.” Somehow Luke had landed further away even though they were standing inches apart before the explosion. 

“Amigos..we need to run.” Raphael’s voice this time. He sounded in pain too, but Alec could see him starting to climb over the wood towards Luke. Alec guessed now that the cuffs were gone, his healing abilities were working. 

Alec shook off the rubble that was on top of him, hissing as something tore along his calf muscle when he moved. 

“Get them!” A voice shouted from further away. 

Alec, Luke and Raphael made eye contact with one another, freezing in their movement. 

“I can take one…but I cannot run with more than that.” Raphael told them as he helped Luke get to standing. “Someone conscious.” He added as his eyes drifted to Magnus.

“Take Luke. I’ll try to hold them off. Jace should be close by now.” Alec said as he untangled from Magnus and stood above him, pulling his bow around; relieved it wasn’t broken. He could see from the windows that the sun had gone down and so it would at least be safe for Raphael to go outside. 

Seeing movement towards his left, Alec shot without thought. His arrow hit the Circle member in the chest. He could see more coming. “Go!” Instantly, Raphael and Luke disappeared. 

Alec shot rapidly, hitting all of his targets, even though he knew he was outnumbered. The Circle member who had had a bow himself was already taken down by Alec and the rest were uncertain to come too close without being killed. 

“Let us go and you can live.” Alec called out, breathing heavily as he did so. He was low on arrows and knew it was going to be any moment now they would take notice too. 

“I’m tired of this.” Valentine’s voice said closely. 

And then Alec saw black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)

Alec was thrown back into his cell, his body too weak to stand. He managed to lift his arms to protect his head as his knees and then shoulder slammed into the concrete. 

He wasn’t positive, but he would guess about 3 or 4 days had passed since the stand off in mansion. In hindsight, Alec knew he should have known it was definitely a trap. It had every detail that screamed trap. He should have tried to call Magnus, to hear his voice, but he was so relieved, if not irritated, that Magnus was communicating with them that he didn’t think about it. 

The beatings started the moment Alec had regained consciousness. He knew some of what Valentine had planned but only in pieces that he had to speculate. The madman had intended on kidnapping all of the leaders of the Shadow World of New York City, in the hopes of using them as some sort of leverage. When it was obvious that the Clave and the warlocks weren’t going to deal with a terrorist, regardless of his leverage, Valentine changed tactics. If they weren’t going to give him what he wanted, then he would use his captives instead. 

Magnus was in a cell next to Alec though he was barely lucid. Alec had crawled, because he didn’t have enough strength to properly stand or sit up, to the bars that separated them, but Magnus hardly moved. Sometime between the first two days, Magnus had managed to move closer to Alec, his fingers wrapped around Alec’s wrist through the bars. When Alec was taken away, Magnus was too weak to hold on. 

Since Valentine couldn’t get the Clave to negotiate for Alec’s release, he decided to see what information he could get out of Alec instead. In addition, he knew Alec Lightwood was Jace Wayland’s parabatai. He knew that by hurting Alec, Jace would feel it and do anything to get him back. 

Alec had trained since he could stand to be the best soldier so it didn’t come as much of a surprise that he wouldn’t be broken. They hurt him, badly, but Valentine would give him an iratze at some point in the night when he’d exhausted himself into unconsciousness, mending and healing any broken bones and torn skin. 

He was barely fed, however, and that was beginning to cause Alec to suffer more than the beatings. 

Carefully, Alec rolled onto his back, groaning as pain burned through his chest. He was certain a rib was broken and his ankle was already swelling. 

Turning his head, Alec managed to see Magnus’ face, though it was partially obscured by his arm. Black veins crawled up his neck, his jaw and over his cheeks and forehead. Alec could see that the veins were also disappearing underneath the collar of his shirt.

There had been a couple sightings of Downworlders with these similar markings, but no one had known it was Valentine’s doing. Alec hoped he’d be able to survive this to let his Institute know. Most of the Downworlders who had these markings were acting out of character, mostly filled with rage and destruction or dropped dead shortly after being discovered. 

It scared Alec, not being able to talk to Magnus about how he was feeling. He couldn’t imagine Magnus being cruel, and he definitely didn’t want to see him drop dead. It hurt even more considering the current state of their relationship with one another. Alec wanted to apologize for the fight they’d had. He wanted to understand why Magnus was avoiding him but now it didn’t matter. He should have tried again to talk to him, to see what was going on. 

When Alec opened his eyes, he looked around confused, unsure as to when or how he’d fallen asleep. His body was still in pain but he wasn’t sure how it had been possible to fall asleep with the worse pain the night before. Or maybe it had only been minutes? He really had very little gauge of time. 

A rustling sound came from near his feet which meant someone was coming to drag him out of the cell. He let his head loll to the side and frowned, not seeing Magus lying there. 

“Get up.” The grunt ordered Alec, giving him a hard nudge with his foot against his calf. 

Alec didn’t move, mostly because it would hurt his ribs and also because he had very little energy to do so. He and the Circle member both knew it but he always tried to get Alec to get up on his own. If they were going to beat him anyway, Alec wasn’t going to make it easier for them to do so.

Hands grabbed Alec by his arms, hoisting him up to his feet. Alec would have fallen on his own if they let go which luckily, they didn’t. Alec didn’t feel like starting off the day crumbling down to the ground. 

His vision blurred as he was dragged through what he was pretty sure was a ship and taken to the same room he’d been taken to every other time. Alec was brought to the center of the room where a long, heavy chain hung in the center. Two shackles were attached to the end and in no time, Alec’s wrists were secured to the chain. 

Alec was thankful for being tall, otherwise he would be hanging from his wrists, something his shoulders and chest wouldn’t be able to handle. It was already a strain on his body when his legs would give out or someone would purposefully cause his body to hang by attacking the back of his knees. It was hard to stand and his legs hurt, but he did his best to at least stay standing to protect his upper body.

“Ready to give me the information I want?” Valentine’s voice asked from behind him. 

Alec didn’t bother trying to turn his head to see him, knowing he was going to walk into his line of sight any moment. Valentine wanted his victim to see him. 

“It’s never going to happen.” Alec answered him instead, rolling his neck on his shoulder, feeling the tweak in it from sleeping on the hard floor. 

“You could live, if you just decided to cooperate. My patience has run its course.” Valentine said to him, his voice bored as he glanced at a table with various objects on it, most of them sharp or very heavy. Alec had felt most of them all over his body at this point.

“I won’t betray the Shadow World like you have.” Alec stood as tall and as strongly as he could. He was also, in the most petty way possible, glad to be taller than this man. 

“Have it your way. It’s time for your Parabatai to join us. Don’t you think?” Valentine asked, his eye line leaving Alec’s and going behind him in a flash, a subtle nod of his head, before his eyes returned to Alec’s. 

“Jace isn’t stupid.” Plus, even in the worst beatings he’d endured so far, he never let Jace in. He was blocking him harder than he ever had in his life; even harder than when his feelings started to show for Jace when they were younger. He had never closed their bond completely because he never wanted that to be a red flag for Jace to ask him what was wrong. 

“You’re right. Jonathan isn’t stupid. He’s too compassionate for his own good. Too self sacrificing.” Alec clenched his jaw, ready to take whatever it was that Valentine was going to send his way. 

Alec could hear two pairs of steps entering the room from behind him. One of them heavy, the other soft. He wanted to ignore the two people who would be assisting the beating but before he could close off his emotions, he’s eyes grew instead.

Magnus was standing next to the large Circle member who came into the room. His eyes were glazed over and, though he was looking at Alec, Alec knew he didn’t see him. 

“What have you done to him!?” Alec demanded, his voice coming out louder and sharper than he thought he could muster. “Magnus?” Alec asked, this time softer as he looked at his…friend. 

Magnus didn’t acknowledge his name being said at all. It was as if he wasn’t even aware that his name had been said in the first place.

“He doesn’t need his shirt.” Valentine instructed. 

The larger man, one who had at least 4 more inches in height than Alec, pulled out a dagger from his jacket and held it up to Alec. He was trying to intimidate him as he brought the knife closer to Alec’s face. He didn’t flinch, his eyes on Magnus who seemed to be staring, possibly, just over Alec’s left shoulder. 

The Circle member grabbed the collar of Alec’s shirt with one hand, bringing the dagger against the material. The shirt cut easily down the middle, snagging only briefly on the hem at the bottom. Alec felt the chill in the room hit his skin, feeling goosebumps prickle all over his torso. 

Unable to help himself, he glanced down, seeing the dried blood and bruises littering his body from the torment he’d faced. 

“Stele.” Valentine ordered next. 

The Circle member walked over towards another table and picked up a stele, handing it to Valentine. Valentine observed the stele in his hand, holding it between both of his index fingers. “I remember Robert had this very same stele on a shelf in his room for years. A Lightwood stele passed down from generation to generation. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t keep it for himself to use one day.” Valentine shrugged as he came closer to Alec. 

Alec ignored him, choosing to glare at the man instead. 

Without breaking eye contact, Valentine held the stele in one had, bringing it down towards Alec’s side. Alec sucked in a breath as he realized what he was about to do. 

“You know what this could do. You could kill us both.” Alec said, making a feeble attempt at stepping away from Valentine but only managing about half an inch.

“It will certainly get Jonathan’s attention.” Alec remembered the pain he’d felt when he tried to locate Jace with their rune. It had been a mistake, one that he never wanted to make again. 

“Don’t do this.” Alec pleaded, hating the desperation in his voice. 

“Too late.” Valentine moved the stele over his Parabatai rune. Alec gasped, gritting his teeth as he felt the burn against his skin. 

Alec felt sweat covering his body as he pinched his eyes closed and forced himself to breathe evenly. 

He could feel Jace instantly. He was worried, stressed and angry. 

Alec tried to focus, tried to close the bond but it was as if the bond was held open by a metal rod. He couldn’t do it. He felt nauseous. If only he would pass out, at least then he would stop Valentine from what he was doing. 

“Warlock…enhance the rune. I want them both to suffer more.” Valentine ordered, this time stepping to the side.

Alec’s eyes opened despite himself at the command, his eyes watching in shock as Magnus came closer to him. 

“Magnus…don’t…snap out..of this.” Alec said breathily. 

Magnus brought his hand to Alec’s side. At first it hovered but then his cool skin was touching Alec’s warming skin. Alec didn’t realize how hot he felt until the exact moment they made contact. 

Alec screamed the instant Magnus’ magic pushed into his rune. 

Alec had been poisoned by a demon before. That in and of itself wasn’t completely uncommon but there was one time where it had been worse than all the others. All he remembered before he passed out was the feeling of scolding heat moving from his shoulder, down to his fingers and then up his neck and down his chest. He had been terrified, when he woke up in the infirmary, that he would be missing limbs or would have lost feeling in some of his appendages. Luckily, he had been treated quickly but the memory of the pain remained.

The burning feeling came back in full force this time, starting from his rune and moving over his entire torso. The only difference was that unconsciousness didn’t seem to be happening any time soon. 

Magnus’ hand left Alec’s side as he took a step back. “The rune is heightened.” Although Alec could barely hear him through the ringing in his ears, he could tell that his voice was different. It was void of any emotion. 

“Excellent.” Valentine grinned. 

Hours later, Alec hung limply against the chains. His body was beaten and stabbed in what felt like every surface area he had available to them. He was almost certain he could hear Jace in his head, though he felt so incredibly out of it, he couldn’t be sure. 

Alec was dropped to the ground, not having been aware that anyone had come near him to release him. He landed in a heap on the floor, unable and unwilling to move. No matter what position he could try to adjust into, wouldn’t matter. Everything hurt. 

The only thing he could focus on was breathing and so that is what he did. He kept his eyes closed as he breathed slowly in and then slowly out. Repeat. His chest hurt with every breath he took but he didn’t care. Breathing meant he wasn’t dead, not yet. 

0000

Alec felt himself being jostled into a sitting position. He didn’t even know he had passed out. His eyes opened up briefly, his vision blurred but his brain able to acknowledge he was back in his cell. 

“Magn…” Alec started, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth, unable to finish the name. 

“Not quite…” A familiar voice said near his ear. 

Alec’s back was pressed against a warm chest, arms coming into his vision as he forced himself to blink himself into full awareness. The hands were grabbing his own arms, putting them in a position for maximum comfort. 

When his brain began to wake up more, he temporarily ignored the pain throughout his body, replacing it with panic.

“Jace?! What the Hell…are you doing here?” Alec asked, trying to turn and lift up to see his brother. His body, however, was too weak and he simply flopped back down against Jace, who groaned in response. 

“Careful…I can feel how you feel…literally. What happened to our rune?” Jace asked, his hand splayed firmly against Alec’s bare chest, keeping him still. 

Alec gave up on any sort of pretense that he was fine, letting his body rest against his Parabatai, his head on Jace’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, trying to recall what had happened to make him feel like this. 

After a few minutes of silence, Alec opened his eyes and let his head loll to the side. Magnus wasn’t in the cell next to them. 

Jace’s eyes followed where Alec was facing. “Valentine had Magnus make me a portal. That’s how I got here. I couldn’t track you because of the water. He hasn’t been in there, if that’s what you’re wondering.” 

“He’s been..injecting him with something. Some sort of mind control…I think he was behind the random Downworlder attacks.” Alec told him. 

“We can figure out all of that later. What happened to the rune?” Jace prompted again.

“Valentine activated it. Then he had Magnus do something to it. I could feel his magic pushing into it, altering it. It wasn’t like his usual magic. His real magic has never hurt me.” Alec told him, adjusting the way he was sprawled in front of his brother for better comfort. 

“When he’s healed you in the past?” Jace asked curiously, more so wanting to keep Alec talking. He had been terrified he’d been dead when he arrived, if not for the fact that their rune was still there. 

Alec shook his head slowly against Jace’s shoulder. “Whenever we were together, I could feel it against my skin. It’s gentle, almost curious.” Alec sighed, a light uptick to the corner of his mouth. “I could feel it whenever we would kiss.” 

Alec’s eyes flew open as soon as the words were out of his mouth and tried to get up, a sudden spike of adrenaline giving him back his strength. 

Jace’s other arm came around, holding Alec down, both from hurting himself and not wanting him to run from him: not that he could get far, they were in a cell, after all.

“Hey…it’s okay. Alec…settle down.” Jace said to him softly, no trace of teasing in it. “It’s okay, Parabatai.” Jace curled in a little, resting his forehead against the top of Alec’s head, one of his hands finding and grabbing one of Alec’s tightly. 

As quick as Alec’s strength came, it left him and he deflated once again against Jace’s chest. 

“I could tell you were happier Alec, and I felt it when you weren’t. I just didn’t figure out who it was but it didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. You deserve to have someone who makes you happy.” Jace said soothingly as he relaxed his arms around his brother, knowing he wasn’t going to try to hurt himself any time soon. 

They sat there silently for a few more minutes, Jace only hearing one sniffle coming out of Alec. 

“Anyway…” Jace said, knowing that Alec wasn’t one to talk about this stuff to begin with and that this wasn’t exactly the best setting for it. “We need to figure out how to get out of here.” 

Alec nodded. “I’ve only been in this room and wherever it is he likes to torture people.” 

Jace frowned but forced his temper to settle. Getting angry right now wouldn’t do them any good. “There’s some sort of barrier around this ship. He took it down briefly so Magnus could portal me here but then I saw it go back up.” 

“So no jumping off the ship in hopes of swimming to safety.” Alec concluded.

“Not like you’d be able to swim in your condition.” Jace added. If Alec didn’t feel so weak, he would have rolled his eyes.

“What does he want with you?” Alec asked. 

Jace sighed and through their connection, Alec could tell what he was going to say wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. 

“He’s…” It was rare that Alec had ever heard Jace nervous, but this was one of those moments. “Alec…he’s my father. He pretended to be Michael Wayland the whole time.” 

Jace told Alec the cliff notes of what Valentine had told him. 

“Wait so Clary is…” Alec started and he felt Jace tense.

“My sister…yeah.” Jace answered tightly.

“I’m sorry.” Alec wished he wasn’t so weak right now. All he wanted to do was comfort his brother. 

“We’ll deal with that later. We need to get out of here. I need to get you out of here. I don’t think he’ll kill me, but he’ll use you against me.” Jace, ever the self-sacrificing person that he is, suggested. 

“Whither thou goest…I will go.” Alec said to him. 

“Have the rules on Parabatai relationships changed since I’ve been gone?” Valetine’s voice sneered nearby.

Jace and Alec both turned to look, watching as the male came closer to their cell. 

“He’s going to die if he’s not healed. Please…let me activate his iratze.” Jace asked, trying to keep his voice neutral, though Alec could feel the anger coursing through him. 

Valentine let his eyes move from Jace’s face, to Alec’s and his body. 

“Perhaps Evan got a little carried away.” Valentine shrugged, snapping his fingers. The very same Circle member, who must be Evan, came out of no where, handing Valentine Alec’s stele. 

He tossed it into the cell, close enough for Jace to reach. 

“Only his iratze. Anything else, and he’ll be punished for it.” Valentine threatened. 

Jace practically growled under his breath but nodded. 

Making quick work of it, Jace activated his iratze and then added a second one close to Alec’s Parabatai rune where most of he pain was echoing between them. He tossed the stele back. 

“I’m here. Let him go home.” Jace had to try. 

“I don’t think so. Who knew you’d be most submissive when it came to caring about someone. I tried to warn you as a child.” Valentine shrugged and left the room.

“Is it working?” Jace asked, watching as some of the cuts on Alec’s chest began to close up. 

Alec nodded. “Yeah. Tired…” He mumbled, his voice sounding heavier. 

“Get some sleep. You need it. I’ve got you.” Jace told him as he ran his fingers through Alec’s sweaty hair soothingly. 

Once Alec was asleep, Jace shrugged himself out of his leather jacket, managing to drape it over Alec’s bare torso in the hopes of keeping him warm. 

0000

The next day, or hours later, since there was no way to tell, Jace was woken up by Alec moving. 

He watched as Alec sat up fully and was shrugging on Jace’s jacket.

“Thanks.” Alec said, referring to the jacket. It was a little short on Alec, considering their size difference, but it was better than the rag of a shirt he had left. 

“How are you feeling?” Jace asked, feeling in himself the pain that he could feel radiating from their rune.

“Better. I don’t think my ribs are broken anymore. I feel nauseous though.” Alec admitted, his mouth dry and his stomach rubbling. 

Alec and Jace heard a door opening and so they looked at one another, nodding, before standing up. 

“Good, you’re both up. Alexander Lightwood. Join us and you’ll have a place here. Deny this order, and you’ll fully regret it.” Valentine said. 

“I would never join you.” Alec answered him instead. 

“Where Alec goes, I go.” Jace said, coming and standing beside him. 

“Jonathan, you have no choice in the matter.” Valentine backed away as 6 Circle members came closer, opening up the cage. 

While Jace managed to knock two of them down and was working on the third, Alec was weakened and only managed to get one down before two more grabbed him, pulling his arms behind his back.

“And just like that…you’re defeated.” Valentine tutted as he watched the fight in Jace leave him and the Circle members get up and grab him as well.

They were led up a series of flights of stairs. Up and up, awkwardly at times due to the narrowness. 

Once they breeched the top of the ship, the sun’s blinding light caused both Alec and Jace to close their eyes, temporarily blinded. While Jace was able to recover faster, Alec had more trouble. 

Before they knew it, they were standing at the stern. Once Alec was able to see well enough, he had to admit that, despite the situation they were in, the New York City skyline was breathtaking. Looking to the side, his heart lurched at the sight of Magnus. 

He looked battered, much like Alec was, but he looked physically okay. Alec could tell that there was a sheen of sweat over every inch of his skin that was exposed. The black veins looked sickly in the bright light.

“He’s proving to be very useful.” Valentine remarked as he followed Alec’s gaze. 

“You’re lucky he’s too out of it to hear you talk.” Alec said angrily, struggling uselessly against the two holding his arms. 

Valentine walked over towards the side, bending down and grabbing what looked like a rock. 

He walked back towards Alec and Jace and smiled. He then turned, throwing the rock as hard as he could over the side of the ship.

Except it didn’t go further, eventually landing in the water. They watched as it was seized by the barrier in place, disintegrating in seconds. They could smell a burned smell coming from where the rock had been. 

“One last chance, Lightwood. Join me.” Alec could feel his heart thumping in his chest. 

“Valentine don’t. Please! I’ll do anything you want, as long as you don’t hurt him.” Jace began, his struggle renewing next to Alec.

Valentine was baiting him, Alec could tell. He knew if he killed him, Jace would never cave to his will. But, Alec wasn’t sure how far Valentine would go to hurt Alec into forcing him to join him. 

“Never.” Alec decided.

“Alec! Dammit! Don’t be a martyr!” Jace was desperate sounding.

“Bring him forward.” Valentine said and, though Alec began to struggle harder, it was of no use. He was too weakened after the treatment he’d been given. 

“How good is an archer with only one arm?” Valentine asked curiously as a third Circle member came over and the two wrestled Alec’s arm from his back and extended out. 

Hearing a thump, Alec couldn’t see but Jace had been thrown down hard onto his knees onto the ground with another two Circle members helping keep him down. 

Alec’s eyes looked over towards Magnus who still, stood there passively. Alec wasn’t sure he would survive this. Would he bleed out before anyone could help him? Would he look for a way to kill himself without his arm? He wouldn’t just be unable to use his bow, he’d be unable to be a Shadowhunter. 

Alec made a fist as his arm was extended towards the ship. 

He closed his eyes tightly, unable to watch what was going to happen. His ears began to ring. He could vaguely hear Jace screaming. 

He gritted his teeth as he felt the heat, the burning sensation against his knuckles. 

He took a breath, trying to prepare himself. 

And then the burning went away. Alec felt pressure all around him. Pressure on his shoulders that forced him down, collapsing him to the ground. He instinctively put his arms around his head, feeling the toe of a boot kicking against elbow. And then he heard screaming and then sizzling. 

Alec opened his eyes, seeing the chaos that was around them. 

The Circle members who had had a hold of him were no where to be seen. One of the four on Jace was running towards him and another was running towards the left. Alec looked over, his eyes meeting Magnus’ cat eyes that were staring at him. A purple mist was all over the place. Alec couldn’t help but smile. 

He dodged the man coming near him, managing to get to his feet, albeit a little wobbly. 

Jace had already put one of the Circle members down and was currently taking on the single one left. 

Valentine, not so shockingly, was no where to be found. 

Alec dodged a dagger coming at his head, grabbing and breaking the man’s wrist. Alec was able to grab the dagger, using it on the man instead. 

Magnus had been hit, if the blood gushing from his nose gave away anything. His eyes were glazed still and his movement slower.

Magnus managed to get back to his feet sluggishly, looking confused and not quite all there. 

A Circle member saw his chance and raised his blade, ready to end the Warlock. 

Magnus turned just in time as he saw the blade coming, unable to do anything about it.

Alec skidded in front of Magnus, grunting as he felt the blade slide through his shoulder, his other arm moving up, the dagger in his hand going into the male’s neck. The man made a sickening screeching sound before falling down to the ground. 

Alec felt his energy leave him, collapsing at Magnus’ feet. 

Magnus looked down at him in awe. He then looked up, seeing Jace beginning to get outnumbered, who was also grabbing his shoulder. 

Magnus was confused but he knew something was terribly wrong. He felt sick and desperately wanted to sleep but he couldn’t. Not yet. He raised his arms in the air and cried out, magic exploding out of him. The only people in the vicinity safe from his magic being Alec and Jace. The magic threw any remaining Circle member into the barrier.

He felt weak, but there were two more things to do. 

“Jace…get over here.” Jace didn’t have to be told twice as he half walked/half stumbled towards them. 

His magic sped through the entirety of the ship, Jace and Alec’s belongings appearing next to the two Shadowhunters at his feet. 

A large moaning sound was heard before the ship began to shiver. Jace watched in awe as the ship started to split down the middle, as if a laser were cutting it from top to bottom. 

“Uh Magnus…” Jace started. 

“Time to go.” Magnus commented, a portal opening up above them and then coming down, enveloping the three.

0000

They landed with a thud in Magnus’ living room. Magnus fell partially on top of Alec in a weakened heap.

Jace got up on shaking legs, first moving Magnus onto his back and then rolling Alec over. Both of them seemed to be awake but barely.

“This is going to hurt.” Jace apologized before yanking out the sword that was sticking out of Alec. Alec cried out in obvious pain. 

“Magnus? Is there someone I can call?” Jace asked as he looked him over. 

“Catarina…Loss..” Magnus managed to get out, his head turning so he could look at Alec, who’s head was also turned towards his own. “Fancy seeing you…here.” 

Alec’s eyes looked pained but he managed a small smile, blood mixed in-between his teeth. 

Magnus felt a pressure on his hand, realizing quickly that it was Alec’s. 

“I’m sorry Alexander….I’m so sorry.” Magnus whispered to him, his words not just for what he had had to do while under control, but for more. And he could tell that Alec knew it too.

“I’m sorry too.” Alec told him before his eyes closed. 

“Alec!” Magnus shouted in panic as he sat up quickly, his vision spinning. 

“He’s alive. He’s just weak.” Jace assured him as he already began to activate his iratze again, his other hand pressing tightly against the wound. “Take it easy.” 

Magnus thunked back down on the ground, his eyes watching Alec’s move behind closed eyelids. “Valentine controlled me…I couldn’t stop anything he made me do.” 

“Serums or not…you’re not the only one he’s managed to control.” Jace told him as he watched Alec seem to relax a little more. 

Jace then jumped up, managing to send out a fire message to Catarina. 

“Did you kill him?” Jace asked curiously.

“Knowing Valentine, probably not. There were other warlocks there.” Magnus told him, his voice sad. 

“I saw the other prisoners too. Most were dead or nearly there. There was no saving them.” Jace didn’t want Magnus to feel guilty about those who were left behind by the ship sinking. 

“Doesn’t make it feel an easier.” 

“I know.”

0000

Catarina made it over in minutes, setting up Magnus and Alec on two infirmary style beds in Magnus’ spare room. She healed Alec’s wounds first, since his iratze did a good enough job and the rest were mostly flesh wounds. She set him up with an IV for fluids and nourishment. 

Magnus was next and a little tricker. “This…serum he gave you, it’s like it was taking over your nerves, your muscles and your mind. How did you snap out of it on your own? There is enough in your system, I’m surprised you’re not dead.” Catarina admitted as she looked at his blood work from her equipment. 

“Alexander. It’s like I couldn’t see him in one moment and the next, everything in my soul screamed to save him.” Magnus admitted as he looked over at Alec in the bed next to him. Jace had, reluctantly, agreed to go back to the Institute to let them know what had happened with the promise of coming back as soon as he could with Izzy and Clary. 

“You two have some things you need to talk about.” Catarina murmured as she let her ingredients on the table nearby mix together in the way she wanted them to.

“It seems so.” Magnus admitted before looking back at his friend. 

“You have so much love to give, you shouldn’t keep it locked away. It’s not safe to do as an immortal.” Catarina told him softly this time, taking hold of his hand.

Magnus squeezed it back. “I know. When did you become so wise?” He asked playfully.

Catarina rolled her eyes. “Wisdom comes from friends who make constantly horrible mistakes.” 

A half an hour passed and Catarina shook her concoction together in its vial. “i’m going to need to make more of these, but I’d wager in about a week or so, the lines will fade and you’ll have complete control over yourself again.” 

Magnus took the vial gratefully, downing it in one go. “Mmm…cinnamon.” 

“Your favorite.” Catarina leaned down and kissing him on his forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning with the rest. Get some sleep. And when you’re ready, talk to that boy.” 

0000

Catarina had been right. It was 6 days later when the last vein that ran from his left cheek down to his collarbone disappeared. His magic felt weak and strange but he knew he would just need time to focus and get it back to its full strength. He knew it wasn’t just the serum that did this to him, but nearing magic depletion from saving them. 

Alec had gone home after that first day, nearly recovered. His shoulder was sore and he needed to get food into his body, but otherwise, he was going to be fine. He had asked if there was anything he could do, but Magnus insisted he go back to The Institute. His family wanted him back and he had his job to do, after all.

Alec had texted him over the few days of Magnus’ recovery, but Magnus promised him that he was well and that he didn’t need Alec to do anything for him. He had sent along his statement as well, something Alec had arranged so Magnus wouldn’t have to be questioned by the Clave. 

Now that he looked normal again, and could stand for more than 10 minutes or so, Magnus had sent Alec text, asking him to come over for dinner. 

Alec was a few minutes early, like he always was, causing Magnus to smile despite himself. 

While Magnus was dressed to the nines, Alec was in more casual wear, which seemed to surprise him.

“Oh…sorry. I didn’t think to dress….” He gestured with his hands towards Magnus. 

“You look perfect just the way you are.” Magnus told him, causing Alec to blush. 

“Okay…” Alec said, glancing behind Magnus and seeing the table and its setup.

The food looked impeccable and the candles seemed to never melt. They took their seats and shared a nice meal. Magnus asked Alec how he was doing and Alec back to Magnus. Both of them were recovered from the ordeal. 

“Jace and I don’t know how to make our bond go back to normal. Everything is heightened. We’re hoping maybe with time, it will do it itself.” Alec admitted, now that they were sitting with wine on Magnus’ couch. 

Magnus frowned, “I’m sorry. If I hadn’t interfered, perhaps it would be.” 

Alec shook his head as Magnus began to speak. “It wasn’t your fault. Please don’t blame yourself.” 

Both of them looked down as they noticed Alec had placed his hand on top of Magnus’.

Somewhat reluctantly, Alec drew his hand away. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Magnus told him softly. “You and Jace should come over. Maybe I can look to see if my magic is somehow bonding the two of you even more? If it is my magic, then I should be able to reign it back.” 

Alec nodded. “That would be nice, helpful. Thank you.” 

Alec placed his empty wine glass on the coffee table and stood. “Thank you for dinner. I’m glad you’re recovering. I should probably..”

“Go?” Magnus finished to which Alec nodded. 

“Uh…yeah..” 

They both knew it was late. 

Alec was just grabbing his jacket off of a chair when Magnus spoke. “Or maybe you could stay?” 

Alec froze, his back going rigid. He kept his jacket in his hand as he turned. “You…want me to stay?” 

Magnus stood now, clasping his hands together, twisting one of his rings. “Only if you want to stay too.” 

Alec bit his bottom lip, his nerves going haywire. 

“I….” Alec started. 

“I love you too.” Magnus said suddenly, the fear of Alec rejecting his request too strong to ignore anymore.

Neither of them looked as they heard the soft sound of Alec’s jacket falling to the floor. 

“I heard you…that last night.” Magnus started, not wanting to spook Alec but needing him to understand. “It’s not fair to you, you didn’t even realize it. You were so tired. You said that you loved me.” 

“And that’s why you didn’t want to see me again?” Alec asked nervously.

“I did want to see you. I promise you, that. I just…” Magnus sighed, sitting on the arm of the couch. “I haven’t let myself love or be loved in nearly a century, Alexander. Love is as beautiful as it is painful. And being an immortal, there has been so much pain. I was okay with not loving anymore but then I met you.” Magnus smiled, looking into Alec’s eyes as he looked back; adorably looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Alec took a step closer. “I didn’t tell you how I was feeling because I didn’t think you wanted me for more than…” Magnus watched the blush coming up his neck.

“More than sex and dinner?” Magnus provided to which Alec nodded. 

“I couldn’t admit to you that I felt the same because I didn’t think you wanted to be seen with me. Not just because I’m a man but because I’m also a Downworlder. I know how the Clave is.” Magnus remembered the conversation they’d had at Pandemonium. How much he had regretted not telling Alec all of this now.

Alec looked crestfallen. “I’m sorry. I just…up until recently, no one ever knew. I think Izzy suspected but we never talked about it. Jace knows now, but I think he somehow knew too. I was being a coward to admit who I really am. Who I’ve always been. And when I was with you, I knew I wanted to be brave, I just didn’t now how.” 

Magnus began to stand up but Alec had closed the gap between them, standing between his legs. He moved his hands to either side of Magnus’ face while Magnus put his hands on either side of Alec’s waist. 

“Magnus…if this is going to happen, then you need to know something. Shadowhunters love once and fiercely. I already know how I feel and there’s no going back for me. You deserve to be loved and I will do everything I can to remind you of that everyday.” Alec told him, his thumb gently rubbing against his cheek. 

“And what do I do once you’re gone from this world one day?” Magnus asked, surprised at the tightness in his voice, his hands subconsciously pulling him closer.

Alec frowned, the same thought having had occurred to him as well. How could he keep his mortal promise to an immortal?

“We don’t know what the future will hold for either of us. If we worry about the future, we’ll miss what’s happening in the present. But if we are separated one day, no matter the cause, know that I will always love you. My love will never end.” Alec declared, his words truer than anything else he’d ever said in his life. 

“Oh Alexander, you romantic.” Magnus said as he blinked away tears that threatened to fall. 

Alec bent down, resting his forehead against Magnus’. They remained like that for a few minutes, enjoying the others presence. 

Magnus’ hands had moved up, one hand resting on Alec’s neck, the other disappearing into Alec’s hair. 

“I love you Magnus. I want this. I want us. I want the world to know.” Alec whispered, his lips grazing against Magnus’. 

“I love you too Alexander. I want everything with you.” Magnus answered back.

Their eyes met briefly before they closed them, their lips meeting instead. The kiss was soft, and gentle. A promise of a future they would have together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> I love receiving feedback! :)


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